Peter Porker: The Spectacular SpiderHam
by BasilioBoy777
Summary: Set after book ends. Peter Porker was one of Napoleon's lieutenants who was fed up with the tyrannical monarch. One day, a freak accident gives him the power to do something about it. But what sinister weapon does Napoleon have?
1. The Origin of SpiderHam

**The Spectacular Spider-Ham**

(Author's Note: Hey, BasilioBoy777 here. I found this story in an old hard drive of mine a while back. It was originally a school assignment for an English class I had way back in my freshman year of high school. The assignment was to write an alternate ending to the book we were reading at the time, Animal Farm. Being a Marvel fan, I came up with this. I know that Spider-Ham is a spoof character Marvel made some years ago, so this isn't that original. I wrote this quite a long time ago, and it's severely lacking in quality; I'm aware of this, so you don't need to tell me. I just figured that I would post this here for good measure, and to show my progress as a writer over time. So, try to enjoy this simply for its context and my own personal evolution as an author. If not, believe me, I know why. Later, True Believers!)

Chapter 1: The Origin of Spider-Ham

Many years past. As Napoleon's influence grew, so did his greed, as if it wasn't big enough already. The other neighboring farms, Foxwood and Pinchfield, were fiercely competing with Manor Farm for profit. This greatly angered the greedy pig. His evil mind devised a heinous plan to eliminate any and all completion.

Many more windmills and buildings had been constructed since the pigs took over. Manor Farm now resembled a small town. In the furthest off windmill, Napoleon was experimenting with radioactivity, called Project-R. His objective was to develop a nuclear super-weapon that would easily destroy the other farms competing with him. Most of the other pigs shared Napoleon's greed and conceded with his diabolical schemes, all except for one. That pig's name was Porker, Peter Porker.

Peter had always hated Napoleon for his evil ways. Napoleon had both of Peter's parents executed many years ago, before the pigs' takeover was complete. Peter always secretly objected to all that Napoleon stood for, but consistently kept his mouth shut out of fear for his own life. However, he tried to ease the pains of the other animals, get them off the hook, and thwart the pigs' plans from the shadows whenever he could.

One day, Peter finally had it with Napoleon's plans for inter-farm, possible world-wide, domination. He decided that he would sneak into the Project-R windmill that night and sabotage it. Just a little before dawn, he crept out of the farmhouse, across the field, and into the Project-R windmill. He got behind the radioactive generator, opened the control panel hatch, and began fiddling with the wires and dials. He accidentally turned it on.

"Ooops!" said he said.

Unbeknownst to Peter, when he turned on the machine, a small spider was struck by the radioactive rays. Now irradiated, the tiny arachnid fell down on Peter's arm and bit him.

"Ouch! Something bit me!" said Peter in pain.

Immediately, he began to feel woozy. He shook it off and finished disabling the infernal generator. By now it was morning, and the rest of the animals were wide awake and doing their harsh labors. Peter stumbled out of the windmill, still feeling a little lightheaded. He heard some faint screams in the distance. He figured it was those nefarious dogs torturing innocent animals again. He also heard something violently squeaking gradually getting louder. Then all of a sudden, he heard a voice in head that sounded remarkably like his own shout at him.

"An out of control cart is coming your way fast! Quick, jump out of the way!"

That voice had come so hastily and loudly, Peter found himself leaping before he knew what he was doing. Then he saw a cart full of grain careening out of control whiz right by him.

"What the? I'm losing my mind! Do I have foresight or something?" Peter thought to himself.

Then Peter realized something freaky. When he leapt out of the way of the cart, he had jumped over twenty feet! Not only that, but he was now sticking to the wall of the windmill!

"Holy . . ." cried Peter.

He heard some hooves running toward him. He quickly jumped back down so nobody would see him on the wall. Two horses ran up to him. They were Puncher and Kicker, Boxer's two eldest sons.

"Are . . . are you okay, Mr. Porker?" said Kicker in a trembling voice. They were afraid they would be killed for this.

"I'm alright, boys. No harm done," said Peter kindly. "By the way, just call me Pete, okay? No need to use fancy titles."

" . . . Okay, Mr. Pete, sir," replied Puncher.

Peter couldn't help chuckling to himself. He walked over to the former out of control grain cart. He looked at it, examining its contents. It must've weighed more than one thousand pounds. Puncher and Kicker re-hitched themselves to the cart and started dragging it back up the steep hill.

"Here, let me help you with that, boys," said Peter.

To his surprise yet again, the cart weighed next about as much as a feather to Peter. He was actually doing most of the work. With his help, the two horses easily ran back up the hill with the cart. As a matter of fact, they could hardly keep up with Peter.

"Wow, Pete! You're so strong!" cried Puncher.

"Yeah, and fast too!" added Kicker.

"Nah, it's you two," replied Peter, not believing a moment of what was going on.

Peter started back for the farmhouse, wanting to take a nap and sleep this thing off. After walking about two feet, something tugged at his wrist. If he thought he was losing his mind before, he completely couldn't believe his eyes now. Strands of some material that closely resembled a spider's web was coming out of his wrist and sticking to the side of the cart!

"AAA!" cried Peter. "That's it! I've officially lost my sanity!"

"Somethin' wrong, Pete?" asked Puncher.

"No no! Everything's fine," said Peter quickly. He turned his back to the cart to hide the webbing from the horses' gaze. "Look over there!" he shouted, pointing to his far left. "You guys missed some grain. You had better go get it!"

With that the horses galloped off. When they were beyond the reach of both sight and sound, Peter quickly broke a sharp piece of wood off of the cart and used it to saw apart the webbing. It took a couple of minutes to do so; the webbing's tensile strength was stronger than steel wool. When Puncher and Kicker returned empty-hoofed, Peter acted as though everything was normal.

"There was nothing over there, Pete," said Kicker suspiciously.

"Really? My mistake," said Peter hastily. "See you guys later!" With that, he sped off for the farmhouse far faster than a normal pig could.

"What's eating him?" asked Puncher.

"No idea," said Kicker.

Meanwhile, Peter had gotten back to his room in the farmhouse in record time.

"What the heck is happening to me?" Peter thought to himself. "One minute I'm fine in the Project-R windmill, and the next I'm a freak of nature crawling on the side of it twenty feet above the ground! What gives?"

Peter paced for several minutes, trying to figure out what was going on.

"I was crawling on walls, hearing voices in my head warning me of impending danger, super strength, super speed, super high jumping, and webbing coming out of my wrists. Maybe it was the radiation? No, it was only on for a second. Besides, none of the radiation beams hit me; they were all aiming at the ceiling. Then that spider . . ."

Then it hit him.

"That spider! Of course! Why didn't I think of that before? I wasn't hit with radiation, but it must've been! Then when it bit me, its DNA must've fused with mine, granting me its abilities!"

Frantic, Peter began to formulate ideas about how to use his newfound powers wisely.

"Not that I've got these powers, what am I gonna do with 'em? I know! With these powers, it'll be the perfect chance for me to overthrow Napoleon! But if he were to find who I am, he would have me have me executed for sure. I'd better make a disguise."

Over the next week, Peter spent nearly all of his time in his room. He left only at meal times to eat. The other pigs didn't seem to care, nor did they act suspicious. During that time, he sewed together a colorful costume and honed his spider-like abilities. He practiced web-targeting, lifting heavy things, running fast, flexibility, combat skills, and using his new sixth sense that warned him of impending danger (which he called his "spider-sense). He mastered his newfound powers in a matter of days.

"Now that I've got a costume and I've trained myself so I'll use my powers correctly, what am I gonna call myself?" Peter asked himself at the end of his training session.

He thought about that for a few hours. The first name that came to mind was Spider-Swine; no, too weak. Then he thought of Spider-Pig; nah, that's worse. The name that he invented next was Spider-Bacon; heck no, that's even worse! Then the perfect name came to him.

"I've got it! Spider-Ham!" he shouted in his head.

That name was strong and short; powerful, yet quick. He was sure it would strike fear into the hearts of evildoers. Bad animals everywhere, beware! Now you have to deal with the spectacular Spider-Ham!


	2. The Origin of Cyberswine

**The Spectacular Spider-Ham**

Chapter 2: The Origin of Cyberswine

From then on, Peter kept his costume on hand at all times, just in case he needed it. For a day or two, he didn't see anything that required Spider-Ham's assistance. Then one day he did.

While walking past the grain fields one day, Peter saw Puncher and Kicker again. Only this time, they were being harassed by that fatso Squealer and his usual accompaniment of three monster dogs. He could barely make out what Squealer was saying, but he knew it couldn't be good.

"You two stupid horses lost over twenty pounds of grain last week!" shouted Squealer. "That's inexcusable!"

"We're . . . we're s . . . sorry, sir," squeaked Kicker.

"Well, 'sorry' isn't not gonna cut it this time! You sad excuses for work animals are about to become glue!"

"Look's like it's time for Spider-Ham to make his dramatic first appearance," Peter thought to himself. He quickly dashed behind a nearby tree and changed into his vibrant new costume.

"Say good-bye, you race track rejects!" said Squealer evilly. He let out a high-pitched whimper. Upon hearing it the dogs surrounding him leapt toward the terrified horses. Puncher and Kicker braced themselves for the worst.

"Why don't you dumb mutts pick on someone with your own steroid dosage?" shouted somebody.

The dogs stopped in their tracks and looked in the direction from where the voice came from. Puncher and Kicker opened their eyes, both surprised and relieved that they were still in one piece.

"Who? . . ." started Squealer, bewildered.

Almost faster than his chubby little eyes could follow, Squealer saw what looked like a costumed figure swinging on a thin thread swoop out of nowhere and kick one of the dogs square in the gut, sending it sprawling. Quickly taking in what just happened, another dog lunged at the new coming attacker. Without even looking, the mysterious figure delivered one punch to his would-be canine assailant's snout, rendering it unconscious instaneously. Realizing that this costumed enigma had just quickly and easily defeated his teammates, the remaining dog made a run for it.

"I don't think so, Cujo," said the figure.

Thin strands of some material that Squealer had never seen before shot out from the figure's wrists and wrapped around the dog's legs. It fell down with a loud, bone-cracking sound. Then he twirled the dog around his head like a lasso.

"Around and around and around he goes. Where he stops, only the spider knows!" said the costumed creature.

The figure then let the dog go. It slammed into a nearby tree. Puncher, Kicker, and Squealer couldn't believe their eyes. This guy was incredible! He turned toward Squealer. Squealer felt a sudden sensation of dread come over him.

"Who . . . who are you?" said Squealer, scared to death.

"Who am I?" repeated the figure. "Who am I? I'm your worst nightmare. I'm Spider-Ham!"

"Spi . . . Spider-Ham?" repeated Squealer. The fat pig was afraid for his life.

"Yeah, Spider-Ham," said Spider-Ham. "I want you to do somethin' for me, okay Lardo? I want you to run back to your dumb boss Napoleon like the little girl you are and tell him and the rest of his cronies that I'm here to put them outta business, permanently!"

Without saying a word, Squealer took off for the farmhouse as fast as he could (which wasn't all that fast at all). The injured dogs slowly regained consciousness and followed in suit shortly thereafter, limping the whole way.

That's it! Run! Run you little sissies! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" shouted Spider-Ham mockingly. He turned to the two frightened horses. "'Salright, boys. I'm not gonna hurt 'ya."

"Wow! Thanks, mister!" said Kicker excitedly.

"Who are you? Really?" asked Puncher.

"Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham. Tell your friends!" said Spider-Ham. With that, he spun a web-line and swung off.

After that, the news about Spider-Ham spread like wildfire around Manor Farm. Most of that news was stories of animals being rescued by him, like when he saved some baby geese who almost drowned in the pond, and when he protected some hens from becoming the dogs' next meal. At times, he even played an animal Robin Hood, stealing rations from the pigs and giving them to the starving animals. The animals made up several nicknames for their new hero, like Spidey, the wall-crawler, the web-head, the web-slinger, and the web-spinner. They praised and honored him whenever they could. He was more of an influence on the hopes of the animals than both Old Major and Boxer ever were. They even made song about him that ran as follows:

_Spider-Ham, Spider-Ham._

_Does whatever a spider can._

_Spins a web any size._

_Catches dogs, just like_ _flies._

_Look out!_

_Here comes the Spider-Ham_

_Is he strong? Listen, bud_

_He's got radioactive blood_

_Can he swing from a thread?_

_Take a look overhead._

_Hey there!_

_There's goes the Spider-Ham_

_In the chill of night,_

_At the scene of a crime,_

_Like a streak of light,_

_He arrives just in time._

_Spider-Ham. Spider-Ham._

_Friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham._

_Welcomed fame, he's ignored._

_Action is his reward_

_To him, life is great big bang-up._

_Wherever there's a hang-up,_

_You'll find the Spider-Ham._

This great deal of worship to Spider-Ham extremely angered the jealous Napoleon. He called a meeting of all the pigs to discuss this "minor nuisance," as he called it. This meeting was to be held in the dining room of the farmhouse. Ironically, Peter also attended this meeting.

"All right, men," said Napoleon. "Now that I have you all here, what do you suggest we do about this recent 'bug infestation' we've had lately? Any ideas?"

"We oughta kill 'em!" said one of the pigs.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," replied Napoleon sarcastically.

Napoleon pressed a button on a control panel placed next to him on the table. Instantly, two dogs burst through the hallway door, grabbed the arms of the pig who had had just spoken with their teeth, and drug him back out the door. There was the horrible sounds of bones breaking, flesh ripping, and the pig's screams of pain. Napoleon did not tolerate stupidity in his presence.

"Any other dumb answers?" asked Napoleon, daring someone to say something. There was no reply. "Didn't think so."

"Barbarian," Peter thought to himself.

"This guy's got some sort of spider-like powers. He's been preventing executions, beating the crap out of the dog squad, stopping our slave drivers from whipping those pieces of trash out there, and stealing our food and giving it to those ingrate slaves of ours. He's totally ruining our profits. If the other farms get a hold of this, it'll completely destroy our reputation," stated Squealer.

"I know that already, you dope," retorted Napoleon.

Under normal circumstances, Squealer would be dead now, but he was to valuable to Napoleon to be killed off. That didn't stop him from insulting him, though.

"I hear those stupid beasts are practically worshiping this guy like a God. They should be honoring me, not him! They've even made up a song about 'em!"

"That song's got a pretty good tempo and rhythm, actually," said Minimus, the poet. "'Couldn't have done much myself."

"Minimus," said Napoleon in an irritated tone, "if you want your head to remain attached to your shoulders, I suggest you shut up."

He was clearly in a bad mood. He was beginning to lose his temper. Perhaps Spider-Ham wasn't just a minor nuisance after all.

"C'mon you guys! Why must I be surrounded by frickin' idiots! Honestly! Throw me a friggin' bone here!" he shouted. "Does anybody even know where this Spider-Ham guy came from?"

"Some of the other animals think he came from a dying planet somewhere in space and his parents sent him here to preserve their race," said someone.

"What would they know? They have I.Q.'s of three," replied Napoleon.

It took every ounce of will power Peter had to keep himself from falling over laughing. This was almost too much to bear.

Napoleon sighed. "You know what they say: 'If you want something done right, do yourself. Squealer!" said Napoleon.

"Yes, sir?" replied Squealer.

"I want a reward out for this guy immediately. Ten rations of corn to whoever brings him in, dead or alive," said Napoleon, "preferably dead."

"If you don't mind me asking, sir, just how are they gonna kill 'em?" asked Squealer.

"With a fly swatter! With a can of bug spray! I don't care! All I care about is that his lifeless carcass is in front of me! I'll kill him myself if I have to!" yelled Napoleon. "And while you're at it, convince those stupid creatures that he's a bad guy. Go!" With that, Squealer left. "Rally the dogs! I'm going after this guy right now!"

"So, this guy wants a showdown with Spider-Ham, huh? Well it's a showdown he's gonna get," Peter thought to himself. He ran off to go change into "the webs" (that's a nickname he gave his costume).

Napoleon quickly made Spider-Ham the target of a farm-wide animal hunt. He wasn't very successful, though. All of the dogs that had come in contact with web-head had been beaten senseless, so they didn't have his scent; most of them couldn't walk either. Squealer didn't have much luck with the other animals either, believe it or not. As hard he tried to convince them otherwise, they refused to believe that Spider-Ham was a bad guy, nor did they give away any information they knew about him. They said that he had done too many kind things for them and defended them too courageously to be acting on ill will. Thankfully, the members of this generation of creatures was far more intelligent than their predecessors.

Napoleon himself led the pigs, excluding Peter, of course. He and his pig posse were also followed by a pack of ten dogs. They searched and searched for Spider-Ham , but to no avail; he was nowhere to be found. He checked the hen houses, the tall grass in the pond, the barns, and the other buildings; he wasn't in any of those buildings. His inspection led him to the area where are all of the windmills were located, now called Windmill Field. He had the windmills systematically checked. Soon, the only place that Spider-Ham might have been was the Project-R windmill. Just as the pigs were opening the door, someone spoke.

"Lookin' for someone, Porky?" said a voice.

"Who dares address me like that!" shouted Napoleon.

"I dare," said that same voice again.

Napoleon looked closer at a nearby tree. He saw an animal dressed in a red, blue, and black-striped costume. "Spider-Ham!" he said. "Just the insect I wanted to see."

Spider-Ham leapt off of the tree branch he was perched on. "Funny. I was looking for you too," he said. "And spiders are arachnids, you dip."

"My my. Someone has a sense of humor," replied Napoleon cunningly. "I'd love to stay and chat some more, but you know. Places to go, animals to kill. Get 'em!"

Upon hearing Napoleon's command, the dogs lunged at the web-spinner.

"I'm sorry, boys. Am I the life of the party?" said Spider-Ham tauntingly.

Using his spider-sense and superior agility, Spidey was able to easily avoid the canines' attacks, but he couldn't stop moving long enough to strike back.

"There's too many of these mutts," he thought to himself. "Not even I'm an Energizer battery; I can't keep going like this. They're gonna wear me down fast if I don't think of something soon!"

Then he got an idea. He performed a triple back flip and landed right in front of the Project-R windmill.

"Alright, you hell-hounds. Come 'n get me!" he dared them.

Without hesitating, the dogs changed direction and headed for Spider-Ham at full speed. At the last moment, Spidey leaped out of the way. The dogs all slammed into the windmill, knocking themselves unconscious. Because of the tremendous force the dogs just exerted on the windmill, it began to crack a little at the base.

Napoleon let out a sigh of disgust. "Good help is SO hard to find these days," he said. He turned to the rest of the pigs. "Okay, boys! Plan B!"

"Plan B!" thought Spidey to himself. "Nobody ever told me there was a plan B!"

All of the pigs, excluding the web-spinner of course, produced PK-47s, short range pistols loaded with steel-piercing bullets! They all were pointed at the wall-crawler.

"You have got to be kidding," said Spider-Ham in disbelief.

"Nope. Totally serious," replied Napoleon evilly. "Open fire!"

"Oh jeez," said Spider-Ham in panic.

All of the pigs fired their guns simultaneously. It took everything Spidey had to stay out of harm's way. He did back flips, somersaults, front flips, and just about every other gymnastic feat you can imagine, just to keep from becoming dead meat. Thankfully, it was hard for the pigs to a keep their guns steady in their trotters, and their aim was rather poor. As all of the bullets went past Spider-Ham, they went straight through the windmill's stone walls, further weakening its foundation.

Spider-Ham suddenly realized he was still alive. "Heh heh heh," he laughed. "Sharpshooters you ain't!"

"Think you've won, don't you?" said Napoleon slyly. "Time to reload!"

"Oh no ya don't!" said Spider- Ham. He quickly spun a web that wrapped around Napoleon's legs, toppling him.

"You may be able to dodge our bullets, web-head, but I bet you can't get out of the way of this!" said Squealer. He produced a bundle of dynamite that he had found in the farmhouse long ago. "I was saving this for a special occasion, but it looks like I might need it now! Ha ha ha ha!" He lit the fuse with a match and threw it at Spider-Ham, who was still standing in front of the windmill.

"No, you idiot!" cried Napoleon, but it was too late.

Spider-Ham easily leapt out of the way of the explosive and landed in a tree about ten yards away. "You thought I couldn't dodge that? Napoleon's right for once; you are an idiot!"

"Oops," said Squealer stupidly. "The fuse didn't burn as fast as I thought it would."

The dynamite exploded. Because the base of the Project-R windmill was so weak from the damage it just sustained, the force of the explosion was more than enough to topple it. The pigs scattered, but Napoleon couldn't move because his legs were still tied up by Spider-Ham's webbing. The windmill was going to fall right on top of him.

"Uh oh," thought Spider-Ham. "I admit I hate that guy's guts, but I'm not just gonna sit here and watch him die like that!"

Spider-Ham jumped down off the tree and threw a web-line at Napoleon, but it was too late. The windmill fell right on him. The web-line just barely missed.

"Oh no," said Spider-Ham to himself. "What a shame. A terrible death for a terrible animal." Then he realized something horrible. "Wait a minute. Wasn't that the windmill that had the radioactive machine in it? Uh oh . . ." He spun a web-line and swung out of there as fast as he could. There was nothing more he could do to save Napoleon.

The sudden force of the impact of the fall set off a chain reaction in the radioactive generator. A few seconds later, a humongous explosion erupted from the insides of the windmill, creating a giant crater and leveled everything within a fifty yard radius.

The next day, Squealer called a meeting of the animals. He told them that the explosion the previous night had been caused by Spider-Ham. He also said that Spider-Ham himself killed their Leader, Napoleon. He added that he would now be in full control of the farm.

"Bull crap," thought Peter to himself angrily.

When all of the animals were preparing for bed that night, Peter snuck in and told them he was a close, personal friend of Spider-Ham. He assured them that the explosion was not the web-slinger's fault. He also said that Napoleon caused his own death. At this point, the animals' feelings were unsure about both accounts. They decided not to worry about it and just go to sleep for the night.

Little did everyone else know, Napoleon had miraculously survived the explosion, but barely. Nearly his entire body had been crushed and/or burned; he seemed as though he were beyond healing. The pigs found him the day after the explosion while examining the rubble. Remembering that they had already invested in some robotic technology some months back, the pigs hit on an absurd idea: they would mechanically rebuild Napoleon, turning him into a cyborg! They knew it would take some time though.

For weeks and weeks on end, the pigs worked tirelessly on reconstructing Napoleon's body from scratch. The rest of the animals were completely confounded by the pigs' lengthy absence. Peter rarely spent any time with the rest of the pigs, so he didn't know what was going on either. The other pigs unanimously decided to issue their instructions through Peter, who in turn altered them so the animals would have less work. Since all of the pigs' resources were being put into rebuilding Napoleon, there was no need for Spider-Ham anymore.

After almost five months, the pigs succeeded in reconstructing Napoleon! He now stood a towering six feet in height. Because his body was mostly machine now, he weighed more that a ton. The only part of his body that was still flesh was only about three-fourths of his face; the rest was machine. He was fitted with a motley assortment of deadly weapons and gadgets now, including infrared and X-ray vision, lasers, grenade launchers, a rocket pack, and lots of others.

For the first time in almost half a year, Napoleon regained consciousness and spoke. "Where . . . where am I?" he asked.

"You're in one of our windmill laboratories, Napoleon," replied Squealer.

"What happened?"

"The Project-R windmill fell on you, sir. Then a chain reaction occurred in the radioactive generator, causing a massive explosion. Nearly all of your body was destroyed."

"Then what the heck am I now!"

"We rebuilt you, sir. Using the advanced robotic technology that we purchased earlier to build Robo-Dogs to further influence your power, we reconstructed you from scratch. We outfitted you with all sorts of powerful weapons. You now have the strength of an entire army!"

"I do?" Napoleon looked at himself. Squealer was actually telling the whole truth for once! He did have incredible strength! A diabolical grin formed on his robotic face. "I _do_ have immense power! With this new body I can not only conquer the neighboring farms, I can rule the entire world! But first, I'll start with killing those pathetic, useless creatures out there, and then I get my revenge on that infernal Spider-Ham! And this time, it will be him who is destroyed!" He then broke out into a fit of insane, maniacal laughter.

"Napoleon? Napoleon?" said Squealer, a little freaked.

"There is no more Napoleon anymore, you fool! There is only Cyberswine!"


	3. SpiderHam vs Cyberswine

**The Spectacular Spider-Ham**

Chapter 3: Spider-Ham vs. Cyberswine

Peter was rather content with himself lately. He didn't mind not being with the other pigs while they were doing who knows what in that windmill lab that they were working in. He was glad to get away from them. Even after five months, he still felt a small sting of guilt for not saving Napoleon when he could have.

One night, Peter was with the rest of the animals in the barn, having casual conversations. He was talking to Clover and Benjamin when suddenly his "spider sense" went crazy.

"Uh oh," thought Peter. "My spider sense is going off the scale! This is gonna be a big one!" He turned to Clover and Benjamin. "Will you two excuse me a moment? I need to check on . . . uh . . . something," he said. Without waiting for a reply, he ran off to change into his Spider-Ham costume.

Seconds later, two huge mechanical fists punched through one of the barn's walls. With a shattering of splinters, Cyberswine burst in. The animals were scared out of their wits. They had no idea who or what was suddenly attacking them, nor did they know why.

"Evening, folks," he said evilly. "I needed some target practice to break in my new body, so I graciously chose you worthless creatures!" He raised his fist again, preparing to strike an innocent animal when he heard an all too familiar annoying voice.

"How 'bout using something a little more challenging, namely me!" said a voice.

"Spider-Ham! Long time no see," said Cyberswine, not surprised. "I figured that if I made a scene you'd show up sooner or later."

Spidey was hanging upside down on the ceiling on the side of the barn opposite Cyberswine. Taking advantage of their robotic attacker's diverted attention, the rest of the animals quickly evacuated the barn.

"'Long time no see?'" repeated Spider-Ham. "Have we met? I'm pretty sure I'd remember a face as ugly as yours."

"Oh aren't we the comedian tonight," said Cyberswine. "You don't recognize me? I am he who as once called Napoleon. Now you may address me as Cyberswine, future ruler of Earth!"

Spider-Ham was completely bewildered. Napoleon? It couldn't be, but yet it was. "There's no way you could be Napoleon!" said the web-spinner. "I saw him get blown to pieces"

"That would be correct. But actually he, I, survived by sheer strength of will! My loyal servants found me and rebuilt me using advanced robotics. We were going to use that machinery to create a Robo-dog squad to increase fear of disobedience around here, but I suppose that technology can be put to better use in my hands, not some dumb animals'," answered Cyberswine.

"So that's what they were doing in that windmill lab!" Spider-Ham thought, shocked. He had enough; it was time to shut down this mechanical nightmare. "Alright, Robopig. Enough chit chat. Banzai!"

Spidey spun a web-line and swung at Cyberswine at full force. Suddenly, his "spider sense" went berserk again. Moving with speed unusual for someone of his size and weight, Cyberswine raised his arm and took a swing at the wall-crawler. Not even the spectacular Spider-Ham was fast enough to dodge that blow. It struck him with enough force to topple a large automobile, let alone a small animal. Spider-Ham flew right through the barn wall and few trees before coming to a stop. He was now more than a hundred yards away from the barn. He slowly began to regain consciousness.

"Ughn . . . did someone get the license plate number of that bus? Ooh . . ." said Spidey, dazed. He looked up and saw the barn explode in a giant fireball. "Holy . . ."

"That was just a taste of my new power, web-head!" shouted Cyberswine in the distance. "And now I'll leave you something to remember me by!" His hand slid into his arm, revealing a cannon of some sort. He fired.

Spider-Ham saw a capsule come out of Cyberswine's arm. It rose in the air and came back down close to him in an arc. When it got close enough, he saw what it was.

"Son of a sow! It's a grenade!" shouted Spider-Ham.

The explosive landed about ten feet away from him. Then it detonated. The explosion sent Spidey flying back several yards, burning him mildly as well. Spider-Ham had been defeated and broken, badly. Thankfully though, the spider's gene for an exoskeleton had made his skin a lot tougher and his healing factor had increased dramatically. That still didn't stop the pain though. While his body had almost been destroyed, his ego was suffering even more.

Over the next several days, Cyberswine continued his destructive rampage, destroying more buildings and killing dozens of animals. Spider-Ham tried to stop him every time, but he was always quickly and horribly defeated. It seemed as though nothing could stop this maniacal mechanical monster. Ever since Cyberswine had appeared, the rest of the pigs had mysteriously vanished from the public scene; they never left the farmhouse anymore, probably an order from Cyberswine.

Spider-Ham, still suffering from injuries, was sitting in his room, trying to figure out how to thwart Cyberswine. So far, he had come up with nothing.

"There has got to be some way to beat this guy," he thought. "Regardless of how detailed the pigs design was, he has got to have a weakness. I'll just have to mentally analyze him until I think of something. Let's see, he's big yet fast. That's definitely not a weak point. He got an awful lot of weapons. That weighs him down, but doesn't slow him. Where does he get all the power he needs to operate those gadgets anyway? They can't be solar powered; that'd be just plain stupid. He'd have to have a battery pack bigger than his head . . ." Something came to him. "That's it! His battery pack! I've never seen one on him, but he has to have one somewhere. Batteries store electrical energy, and he must need lots of it to power him. Electrical devices are vulnerable to water. I'll just lure him to the pond and I'll let him have it! I'm such a genius!" He quickly got into "the webs" and wrote a short letter. Then he swung off for the windmill laboratories.

Cyberswine was inside one of the windmill labs, recharging his battery pack with an electrical generator. He normally concealed his battery inside his chest. He noticed something shoot through the window and hit the adjacent wall. It was a note, stuck to the wall with webbing. Not surprised, nor amused, he ripped it off the wall and read it. It said:

_Cyberswine:_

_Let's_ _have_ _one last battle. You and me. Mano e mano. Spider-Pig to freak show. Meet me at the pond, ready to fight to the death. Only one of_

_us will leave alive. Let's make like the Western movies andhave it at high noon. See ya there._

_Sincerely,_

_Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Ham_

"Very amusing, web-brain," thought Cyberswine. "Prepare to die!"

When Cyberswine arrived at the pond at noon, Spider-Ham was already there, standing right in front of the pond and staring straight at him.

"A little early, I see," said Cyberswine sarcastically.

"Just shut up and fight," said Spider-Ham, taking a fake ninjitsu fighting stance. "Let's get this over with." For the first time in known history, Spider-Ham was actually sounding serious.

"Fine by me," said Cyberswine.

The battle that ensued was the fight to end all fights. Both fighters gave it their all. It took both of them everything they had to keep up with the other. Cyberswine used just about every weapon at his disposal, Spider-Ham unloaded enough webbing to fill a large swimming pool. The battle lasted several hours into the night. As the fight progressed, Cyberswine's battery was gradually running out of power. This was giving the web-slinger a slight advantage. Finally, it came down to the final seconds.

Cyberswine had Spidey cornered between two trees. The pond was right behind Cyberswine.

"My favorite part of the game," said Cyberswine. "'Sudden death.'" he fired his last grenade right at Spider-Ham.

Thinking quickly, Spidey spun two web-lines that stuck to the trunks of the two trees. He then took five steps back. Spider-Ham was going to use himself as a living slingshot! He let go of the webbing. He flew straight at the incoming grenade. He did a front flip in the air, sailing over the explosive. He pushed both his feet out. He hit Cyberswine hard enough to send him flying into the middle of the pond. Immediately, Cyberswine's body began to malfunction. Sparks were flying everywhere. Spider-Ham walked up to the edge of the pond.

"Do you know who just defeated you?" said Spider-Ham. Cyberswine couldn't speak due to the extremity of his power loss. Spider-Ham took off his mask, revealing the face of Peter Porker. "I did!" Even though Cyberswine couldn't talk, he still could see. He looked shocked. Then he exploded in a huge electrical fireball. Spider-Ham put his mask back on, sighed, and started back for the farmhouse.

With Napoleon/Cyberswine truly gone, the pigs and dogs had no power. Because of their evil ways, Spider-Ham exiled them out of the farm. With them gone, Spidey re-renamed the farm Animal Farm, and restored the Seven Commandments in their entirety. Never again would corruption poison the souls of Animal Farm. Spidey himself became unofficial leader of Animal Farm and ambassador to the human world. He was always friendly toward humans, but never adopted many of their habits. Spider-Ham always remained steadfast in his efforts to protect all animals from evil. For generations, the grateful animals of Animal Farm always honored their hero, the spectacular Spider-Ham!


End file.
